A month ago my Dad had a heart attack and spent about a week in the hospital. He actually died 3 times. Died. Flat-ass coded. Luckily his mistress was there the one time to do CPR, otherwise he would have been found really dead some unknown time later in the bathroom. (Nice. *roll eyes*)

The best place to sort this unexpected turn of events out was on a trail.

And somewhere out in the woods, sitting on a rock, beneath the bluff, watching the sunshine glitter and sparkle between the green leaves on the trees, I realized … I’m letting life pass me on by. And even worse yet, I’m letting life pass me by WHILE I’M UGLY.

No, no, no, no, no …….. that is not okay with me. It’s bad enough to be mentally semi-broken. But I realized I am putting things in my mouth that are making (or keeping) me fat, and that when I look in the mirror, the girl who looks back at me is UGLY. And I hate that. I HATE that.

So I decided, I was thin and pretty once upon a time. In fact, I don’t even recognize myself in pictures from college *blush* that girl looks nothing like I look today. And I want to be the pretty girl again. I want to be a Trophy Wife! And to become a Trophy Wife ………. I must lose weight.

(Never mind the getting married part. I have a feeling once I fix the things that are broken inside of me, the rest of the outside stuff will fall into place.)

So I cut my calories to 600-700/day (it would be more if I wasn’t so freaking unnerved by feeling hungry). Ideally I am eating no white sugar and no white flour. I say "ideally" because in practice, I end up making a 1/2 batch of cookie dough every other week :) usually as a result of hormone cravings. And I am discovering if I just make the damn cookie dough and eat it, then I actually feel much better emotionally, all the way around. And when I feel better, I don’t want to eat, period. Not even crap food. :)

(Who ever knew the secret to success was cookie dough?! LOL)

So far I’ve lost 11 lbs. in the past month. I was hoping for 20 lbs at this point :\ but between my period and some serious over-eating/cheating, my weight has plateaued the past 2 weeks. It sucks though … I was losing 0.5-2 lbs per day for the first 2 weeks. And then the hormones hit, and it STOPPED. *grumble* Dammit anyway!! I’ve got like 80 more lbs. to go (to get to Trophy Wife weight) and I want to lose them NOW!!

Lest people wonder and worry, I am not being stupid about this; I’m not trying to exist on Cheerios and lettuce. *wink* My diet is indeed simple though …

• Water. Lots and lots and lots of unlimited, clean, refreshing, stomach-filling water.
• 1 protein a day (either 3 eggs over-easy, or a palm-sized serving of other protein like chicken, fish or beef),
• Unlimited fresh veggies – usually onions and tomato (but really, how much onion and tomato can a person eat?! – not that much … "unlimited" just sounds good.)
• 1-2 cups all-natural unsweetened applesauce with lots of cinnamon (apples vs. applesauce – whatever you like, doesn’t matter)
• 1/4 cup cheese with anything else hot (sharp cheddar is my cheese of choice, melted on the eggs or melted on a big mountain of broccoli)
• unlimited broccoli, if I have it in the house :) — love the broc! (Apparently it’s pretty kick-ass for blood pressure, too.)
• and, 1/2 cup low-fat cottage cheese

The applesauce and cottage cheese, quite frankly, are what tide me through the day. I can snack on the applesauce off-and-on all day, and it doesn’t jack up my blood sugar. It gives my stomach something productive to do and has greater nutritional value than like, celery. ;) The rest of the food – protein + veggie + cheese are one meal, period …….. and I don’t eat great huge quantities, I’ve cut my portion sizes down to about 1/3 what I used to eat. Cripes, no wonder I was constantly gaining weight …….. :-P

I still eat carbs. There’s carbs in dairy. There’s all kinds of carbs in applesauce. There’s carbs in barley and whole grain rice, too. I have a "wild rice"/seed-like mix I like, and frankly I really like slow-cook barley, too. Melt a little butter on it, and OMG! :) It’s just that the carbs I eat are either not processed sugar, or they’re complex carbs. No more white sugar. (The only caveat being, of course, the cookie dough. *giggle*)

So, 11 lbs.

My next goal is to vacuum the living room floor, put down the high-density foam squares and plug in the DVD player ………. so I can start doing my Beach Body DVDs. It’s no-impact and seems to focus on core muscles, which is perfect for me – exactly what I need.

The weather is supposed to be gorgeous for the most of the next week (even if all the leaves have fallen off the trees – bleh) so I want to get out and walk every day I possibly can. My knee is probably 90% so I need to break this new bad stay-off-my-feet-and-rest-my-knee habit and GET BACK WALKING !!!

Too bad I can’t safely hike the park at night. I mean, I can, it’s not like I’ll get mugged :-P but I’m worried about getting lost. I’m not a big fan of the whole getting lost in the woods at night thing. ;)

11 lbs! Anybody wanna race me? Maybe that will break my plateau. *giggle*