I watched the documentary The Last Patrol on Netflix about a week ago. I really think it's a brilliant documentary. The first half is a little slow in my opinion however more PTSD related issues arise in the second half of the movie. The documentary is about two ex-servicemen (Brendan O’Byrne and Dave Roels) and two war journalists (Sebastian Junger and Guillermo Cervera) that take a series of hikes in the U.S.A. During the documentary we … [Read more...] about The Last Patrol
Welcome to my PTSD journey
Job security has never been something that I've sought. Most of my working life, prior to working for myself, I was as a consultant or contractor. This temporary employment suited me just fine as I didn't feel as trapped as I did when I had permanent employment. I suppose that, having PTSD, my brain needed to feel like there was always an escape route and permanent employment was just too restrictive (in my mind that is). I remember listening … [Read more...] about Wave your worries, and cares, goodbye
Lawrence Franks was enlisted with the U.S. Army and is a West Point graduate. He deserted because of major depression and joined the French Foreign Legion (with the name Christopher Flaherty) where he fulfilled his five year contract. Rolling Stone has a great article about the case. It's difficult however to know the entire truth surrounding Lawrence Franks and his desertion as the author of the article had no access to Franks himself. He … [Read more...] about Lawrence Franks is not a coward!
From my own experience with having PTSD for well over 16 years (probably closer to 36 years if I think about it), I know that it can be incredibly difficult to be taken seriously. Over the years I've seen psychiatrists, psychologists, doctors and counselors to try to get help when I've sometimes been in a very bad way. Very few of these trained professionals actually helped at all (I'm fortunate that I now have good care). There seems to be a … [Read more...] about Impossible to get help for PTSD?
I've always loved the song Crazy in the Night by Kim Carnes. It made me smile when I heard this mix, Crazy Thriller in the Night as mixed by Matt Pop (a great combination of Vincent Price as per the beginning of Thriller by Michael Jackson and the song by Kim Carnes). If there is a song where the lyrics and music and effects illustrate what it's like having complex PTSD then this is it! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMLrRKqb_CE … [Read more...] about Going crazy in the night (with PTSD)
I really battled in school. I have the IQ and ability to do well academically and do well in topics I enjoy (I received high marks in my MBA at a leading European business school). At school in particular I really was unmotivated and bored. I now realise that my constant anxiety and seeking security was a significant barrier to me learning. For whatever reason I find that, in topics I enjoy, I am very motivated to learn and research for … [Read more...] about What others say about PTSD
I was walking into a shopping centre recently when a young woman I passed suddenly made a loud screeching sound. She was with a friend and they looked back at me and laughed. This is obviously how these people 'get their kicks'. This woman is very fortunate that my startle response isn't to fight. One day she'll come across someone who is going to physically assult her as she makes her squealing noise for fun. People with PTSD may suffer … [Read more...] about Idiot!
Something really rung true as I read an article about the death of Daniel Wolfe. The assumption is that PTSD is related to one or more single events. Whilst this may occasionally be true, the worst, for me anyway, is the anxiety and severe stress of waiting. Waiting for something terrible to happen and not knowing when or in what dreadful way it'll appear. For Daniel Wolf, PTSD wasn't as a result of being directly in a trauma-inducing situation … [Read more...] about With PTSD the worst is the waiting
Hello Paroxetine; hello quality of life! For years I really battled to go to sleep. I was merely surviving. It wasn't the terrible nightmares that kept me awake but rather that my mind was constantly alert and aware of potential danger (i.e. hyperarousal). Elevated adrenalin was clearly a constant in my life which was caused by, and subsequently contributed to, very high anxiety. I really just battled to sleep. Even taking sleeping tablets did … [Read more...] about Paroxetine and PTSD!
A significant reason for me starting this blog to share my experiences with PTSD is to try to help those that know someone with PTSD that just don't understand what the person is going through. Unfortunately there is just no means of describing the absolute hell that some PTSD sufferers go through. In my experience of having chronic PTSD, and the various associated symptoms such as OCD, a feeling of total meaninglessness, numbing and so on, it … [Read more...] about PTSD: Being at war with yourself!